Sample 3: Kevin
Comment 1
“Work on your introduction. This is too general.
What defines the identity toolkit for beauty writers? What purpose, networks for communication, values/assumptions, lexis, style etc defines a person as a freelance beauty writer?
Hit the general overview of features in Gee + Swales “
This comment is likely to confuse the student, as the actual paragraph sees the freelance and beauty writer as the same thing. Seems like the teacher just read the paragraph wrong?
Confusing comment.
Comment 2
“so beauty writers select their own images? Do they work with photographers or do they take their own pictures?
Good observation about the adjectives!”
Points out what the teacher found interesting and poses a question to the student that can allow for more detail.
Positive comment.
Comment 3
“What about the construction of the short paragraphs about the fashions? The relationships between the images + the text?
Teacher asks the student a question continuing the train of thought in the paragraph.
-Looks to expand upon the thought.
-Teacher gives clear example.
Positive comment.
Comment 4
“Wow - lots of attention to detail + naming of periods/trends = what else does this quote show about the requirements of fashion freelance?
Use your analysis to make some generalizations”
While an overall helpful comment, the question is already addressed in the following paragraph after this.
Positive but unneeded comment. –Points out strong point of paragraph, its detail, but poses questions already answered in the following paragraph which could possibly confuse the student.
Comment 5
“Awesome! So this is a pattern of talk (and way of behaving as you point out in the next paragraph) a fashion freelancer would need to master.”
Another comment showing what the teacher liked.
-Reveals to the student their strong points in the paper.
Positive comment.
Comment 6
“Any pointers on how to figure out how to prepare your self - or how to conduct yourself?”
In the same boat as comment 4.
The question is addressed in the next paragraph. Yet the question itself would lead to more detail being written.
Positive but unneeded comment. – Could confuse student with the same reasons as comment 4.
It seems the teacher went through the paragraphs one by one and commented on them individually instead of commenting on the paper as whole. This separation lead to some comments being unneeded thus leaving the student open to confusion.
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Theory for this Sample: Comments written for the student in the right place are helpful while comments written for the sake of commenting leave an undesired confusion to be held. Placement of comments are key here.
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Reason for Theory
(Well thought out) Comments in the right place include:
-Questions that help the student improve or write more about their topic.
-Point out strong points within their writing so they can capitalize on it.
Comments written for the sake of commenting:
They function as possible inhibitors when used in the cases of comment 1, comment 4, comment 6, and comment 8. (Possibly comment 7 too.)
They appear because the teacher may just be commenting paragraph by paragraph without connecting all the writing as whole.
The comments themselves could be helpful, if most of the time they weren't already elaborated on.
Sample 5: Corinne
Question: Which comments pose confusion to the writer? How can they be improved or changed by different wording?
Category
- grammar - very direct, but that is not helpful for writing and improving the quality of the paper - not helping the student with what to add/elaborate more on.
- repetition- par. 1 - "too much repetition here get to your point" - be more specific on which part - give examples of how ca help to improve statements - in par. 2 teacher crossed out the exact statement of repetition, should have done that in par. 1
- clarity - handwriting is not very legible - can lead to misinterpretation of revision and what teacher expects.
- crossing out a sentence/paragraph & saying "too weak" is not helpful - doesn't give the student any guidance of why it is weak, what they should do to improve/make it stronger, or if they even have the right idea
- no summary of comments at end of the paper - that is helpful to have one - evidence of how helpful it is in sample 6
Sample Number 4: Brigit
Comment 1
Vague on what "It's" is. Is it the first sentence?
Teacher says a lot when they could have said something simpler *like "Needs an introduction to plagiarism before complicating the term"
Comment 2
The teacher's comment works here. It's positive.
Comment 3
Easy and simple
*maybe add to it "if you don't know how to go about this don't be afraid to ask so we can figure it out together."
Comment 4
Good, but he could have been more specific *instead of "earlier" say introduction or towards the beginning
Comment 5
Kind of confusing
I understand what the teacher is getting at, but at the same time I don't.
I know he would want the writer to write about how to sight the sources
What does he mean about "It's more than just the particular style they use"? That brings up a lot of questions
Comment 6
Good and I understand what he means
Vague with what that the audience would find "surprising"
*I think a better word would be "confusing"
Comment 7
Vague about which "ideas"
Comment 8
Good and understandable
Comment 9
Good, simple, and easy to understand
Comment 10
Vague about which "sections"
Comment 11
I think this is a good idea and really would make the writer think
Comment 12
If I was the writer I wouldn't know what "important information the students aren't aware of" are. Are they things I included? Things I forgot? And if so what did I forget?
This comment of switching from brochure to booklet would make me think that I was doing my assignment wrong and be a little concerning for me. Kind of a self doubt feeling.
Comment 13
This comment is pretty simple and understandable
Comment 14
Easy to understand, it's up to the writer to decide how they want to go about this
Comment 15
It's pretty much the same as 14
Comment 16
Vague about "these sentences"
The teacher could have used better wording than "Not sure how these sentences fit into this project" (Which makes them feel like they should be deleted) and then goes and says "maybe it would work better earlier (which would make the writer want to keep them)
But I do understand that it would fit better earlier and where it might go
Comment 17
Vague about which "comment" the teacher is referring to
Comment 18
I think this is pretty simple and understandable, but I personally don't know the information the teacher is referring to
Comment 19
Confuses the author. My question would be does that mean I still need to do what it says to do in comment 18? Why are both of these comments here? What is the purpose?
Paragraphs at the End
1. Confusing, I don't even know what the teacher is referring to in the 3rd and 4th sentence. The rest is understandable and simple
2. Just lost me entirely in the last paragraph. Very contradicting.
Coding/Categories:
Comments are by numbers and P1 and P2 refer to the paragraphs at the end
Vague-1, 7, 10, 16, 17
Confusing- 1, 5, 7, 10, 12, 17, 19, P1, P2
Negative (things need to be fixed)- 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, P1, P2
Positive (things that are done well)- 2
Understandable- 2, 3, 4, 6, 8, 9, 11, 13, 14, 15, 16, 18, P1
Simple (comments were stated outright) - 3, 9, 13, 18, P1
Could have been said better- 1, 3, 4, 6, 16
Patterns:
My first thought with this is there are a lot of comments and I would feel like that made me feel like I did this entire paper wrong.
Almost all of the comments were Negative, so I would feel like I needed to do the whole paper all over again.
Only ONE comment was Positive, so I wouldn't feel good/confident about my paper.
Many of the comments that were Vague were also Confusing and vise versa
All of the comments that were Vague and Confusing were also Negative comments.
The only Positive one was Understandable"
All of the Simple comments were also Understandable
A lot of the comments that were Understandable also Could have been said better, showing that even good comments could be improved on
Sample 6: Valerie
When reviewing Sample 6 It was noted that the comments given weren't direct. The person who has edited this piece of writing had simply made the proper corrections leaving very little room for the student to improve their writing. However, the comments made were positive but in the long run it doesn't help the students because it's not direct.
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